Ettington Park: Royal Escape Near Stratford-upon-Avon
Ettington Park: My Royal Escape (Near Stratford-upon-Avon!) - Honest Review & Booking Offer
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because I’m about to tell you about Ettington Park. Forget your perfectly polished travel blog reviews, this is the REAL deal. Yes, I got a taste of the "Royal Escape" near Stratford-upon-Avon, and the experience… well, it was a rollercoaster. Buckle up, because this is going to be a messy, honest, and hopefully helpful guide to the experience.
First Impressions – The "Wow" Factor (and a Little Panic)
Pulling up to Ettington Park is like stumbling onto a movie set. Seriously. It’s stunning. Gothic architecture, sprawling lawns… I half expected a flock of peacocks to strut past wearing tiny crowns. My jaw genuinely dropped. Initially, the sheer scale of the place was a little overwhelming. I mean, this WAS a castle, not some cookie-cutter hotel. It almost felt… intimidating. But hey, a little panic is good for the soul, right?
Accessibility & The Important Stuff (Because Everyone Deserves a Royal Escape!)
Okay, so accessibility is crucial. I can't fully assess for mobility issues, BUT I did check it out. They do offer facilities for disabled guests, and there's an elevator (thank heavens!). The website is vague, and I'd suggest DEFINITELY calling ahead and confirming specific needs. Don't just assume, call!
The Room – My Sanctuary (with a Flaw or Two)
My room? Glorious. Seriously. High ceilings, a massive bed, and… a bathtub that could probably fit a small family. (Okay, maybe not, but it was HUGE). I loved the blackout curtains – absolute bliss for sleeping in. And did I mention the free Wi-Fi in all rooms?! Crucial. They also had a mini-bar (naturally), and a little desk area, perfect for some… ahem… work… or, more accurately, catching up on emails. There’s also the usual suspects like a coffee maker, and some nice toiletries.
However… (and there's always a "however," isn't there?)… The bathroom phone… I had no idea what it was for. It was like a relic from the past. Also, the decor, while beautiful, felt a little dated. The carpet? Definitely seen better days. But, hey, that’s part of the charm, right? And clean? Yep. Spotlessly so. (And that included the extra long bed!)
Cleanliness & Safety - Top Marks (in a Time of Germs)
Okay, major props to Ettington Park for taking hygiene seriously. Everything felt immaculate. Hand sanitizer everywhere (which is always a good sign!), and I saw staff constantly disinfecting common areas. Room sanitization opt-out available, if you're into that kind of thing. I loved that they offered individual food options and staff trained in safety protocol. This felt very important.
Food, Glorious Food (and the Occasional Oops!)
The food situation? A mixed bag, honestly. The breakfast buffet was… well, a buffet. Standard fare, plenty of options, and I went for the full English (because when in Rome… or, Ettington Park, rather). There's also Western breakfast, Asian breakfast and even Asian cuisine in restaurant. The coffee shop was great for a quick caffeine fix.
Let's be honest, there's a restaurants! You can choose between a la carte, buffet, or even an alternative meal arrangement. The bar was a highlight – perfect for a pre-dinner cocktail. The poolside bar also existed, but with the weather, it wasn't really an option.
The Absolute Highlight: The Spa (Oh, My Achy Feet!)
Okay, buckle up, because this is where things got AMAZING. The spa at Ettington Park? Pure heaven. I opted for a massage (naturally), and it was… well, let's just say I almost drifted off to another dimension. The masseuse was incredible. Seriously, she worked wonders on my weary shoulders. The pool with view was just stunning (but a little cold, to be honest!). I also tried the sauna, sauna, and steamroom. It felt like all the stress of the world just melted away. And the foot bath afterwards? Bliss. Absolute, utter bliss. They also have treatment options for body scrub and body wrap. This was a highlight that I could mention, and will continue to dream about! Oh, the spa also included the fitness center and gym/fitness.
Things to Do (Beyond Spa-ing and Eating) - A Mixed Bag
There's stuff to do beyond eating and spa-ing. Of course, you're near Stratford, so the Shakespeare stuff is readily available. They conveniently offered a lot of business facilities like audio-visual equipment, business facilities (meetings/banquets/seminars). They even have a convenience store, which came in handy when I needed a late-night chocolate fix (don't judge!). If you want to host an outdoor or indoor event, you can. They even have a proposal spot!
Service & Convenience – Generally Excellent, with a Few Quirks
The staff were, for the most part, lovely and helpful. The concierge was brilliant – sorted out a taxi and gave me some great recommendations. The doorman was always there with a smile, and the daily housekeeping was impeccable. They even offer a cash withdrawal service. There’s also the usual, like dry cleaning and laundry and luggage storage.
However, I did experience a slight hiccup: I asked for an ironing board, and it took about an hour for it to arrive. Not a HUGE deal, but just a little reminder that perfection is elusive.
Getting Around – Easy Peasy
They offer airport transfer and taxi service. Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site] and car power charging station. Bicycle parking is available.
What Else? (The Little Things)
- Safe Dining Setup: Felt very safe with the current Covid situation.
- Couple's Room: They had them!
- Non-Smoking Rooms: A plus!
- Pets: Unfortunately, unavailable. My poor poodle had to stay home.
The Verdict
Ettington Park is a truly special place. It's a grand, slightly quirky, and undeniably luxurious escape. The setting is breathtaking, the spa is divine, and the overall experience is memorable. Yes, there were a few minor bumps along the road, but honestly, those little imperfections just added to the charm.
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P.S. Tell them I sent you. Maybe they'll offer me a complimentary stay for my… ahem… thorough review! ;)
KLIA's Secret Weapon: Free WiFi & Bell Suite Bliss (Xiamen Flight 0203)
Okay, buckle up buttercup, because this isn't your average, sterile hotel itinerary. This is Ettington Park, Through My Eyes, Maybe With a Headache. We're going in raw, unfiltered, and probably slightly caffeinated.
Day 1: Arrival of the Slightly Bedraggled
- 1:00 PM: Departure from the Real World (aka, My Tiny Apartment)
- God, did I really pack that floral scarf? It's hideous. And the flight? Delayed, of course. I swear, travel is like a sitcom, perpetually stuck in the "will they/won't they arrive on time?" plotline.
- 4:00 PM: Landing at Birmingham Airport (and the subsequent chaos)
- Okay, so I'm convinced Birmingham Airport agents enjoy watching you fumble with your luggage. Finding a taxi was an Olympic sport. Found one. Had a conversation with the driver about the weather. It probably rained for the whole trip, just saying.
- 5:30 PM: ETA at Ettington Park Hotel – Finally!
- WHOA. Seriously, whoa. The drive up was just… breathtaking. Like, straight out of a period drama. The hotel itself? Okay, so the brochure doesn't lie. It's an actual castle, right? And it's so quiet. I almost expected a ghost to greet me at the door.
- Anecdote: Okay, first impressions count. I managed to trip on the cobblestones immediately upon arrival. Graceful, much? The receptionist (bless her, she was lovely) just smiled and said, "Welcome home." Home? I'm pretty sure my actual home is a disaster zone of laundry and takeout containers.
- WHOA. Seriously, whoa. The drive up was just… breathtaking. Like, straight out of a period drama. The hotel itself? Okay, so the brochure doesn't lie. It's an actual castle, right? And it's so quiet. I almost expected a ghost to greet me at the door.
- 6:00 PM: Check-in and Room Revelation (and a slight panic attack)
- So, I booked a… superior room, I think. It’s massive. And the bed! It looks like I could host a small garden party on it. Suddenly, I’m overwhelmed. I’m just a person who accidentally tripped on a cobblestone, can I really be trusted with this level of luxury?
- 7:00 PM: Pre-Dinner Drinks at the Hotel Bar (and the discovery of the 'perfect' G&T)
- Needed a drink. Desperately. The bar is seriously posh. All wood and leather and hushed tones. Ordered a gin and tonic - they did it right! The perfect balance of crisp and refreshing. I could get used to this.
- 8:00 PM: Dinner at the Oak Room Restaurant – Attempting to Be Sophisticated
- The Oak Room. Oh boy. I’m this close to pulling out my phone and googling "How to use a soup spoon." The food was pretty good. Maybe a touch too fancy for my "eat a burger while watching trashy reality TV" palette, but hey, I can pretend, right?
- Quirky Observation: The lighting in the Oak Room is strategically dimmed. Conspiracy theory: it's to hide the fact that everyone's secretly eating chips with their forks!
- The Oak Room. Oh boy. I’m this close to pulling out my phone and googling "How to use a soup spoon." The food was pretty good. Maybe a touch too fancy for my "eat a burger while watching trashy reality TV" palette, but hey, I can pretend, right?
- 9:30 PM: Exploring the Hotel (and a brief encounter with a creepy portrait)
- Okay, so I wandered around after dinner. This place is huge. And old. And filled with portraits. One of them - a stern-looking guy with a ridiculously fluffy wig - definitely gave me the side-eye. I swear, I felt like he was going to scold me for wearing jeans.
- 10:00 PM: Bedtime (the very beginning of a night of tossing, turning, and thinking of things)
- Honestly, I’m exhausted. But also…wired. This place is amazing, in a slightly intimidating way. And, the thought of those portraits is keeping me awake. Is this a dream? Should I pinch myself? Nah, I’ll just stare at the ceiling, overthink past mistakes, and plan my next day's itinerary. Why is my brain like this?
Day 2: Shakespeare, Scenery, and a Slight Hangover (maybe)
- 8:00 AM: Breakfast (or, "how to avoid making an idiot of myself at a buffet")
- Breakfast: A buffet. My worst enemy. I have no self-control. Managed to avoid piling my plate sky-high, but by some miracle I did not spill my tea on myself.
- 9:00 AM: Stratford-upon-Avon – Shakespeareland
- Time for the tourist thing. Took a taxi to Stratford. The town is cute, I guess, in a theme-park-of-Shakespeare sort of way. The houses were beautiful, actually.
- Opinionated Language: Shakespeare's birthplace? Overcrowded. Anne Hathaway's Cottage? Adorable. But the crowds! I felt like I was in a mosh pit of Elizabethan enthusiasts.
- Time for the tourist thing. Took a taxi to Stratford. The town is cute, I guess, in a theme-park-of-Shakespeare sort of way. The houses were beautiful, actually.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch – Fish and Chips (because what else?)
- Fish and chips. It was good. Very British. Simple pleasure.
- 1:00 PM: A Cruise on the Avon – The Unofficial Nap Zone
- Wee! The boat trip was relaxing. I might have drifted into a light nap. Oops.
- 3:00 PM: Return to Ettington Park – More Exploring
- Back to the castle! Time for more exploring, it's huge! So much history.
- 4:00 PM: Garden Stroll and Contemplation – Finding (and losing) inner peace.
- The gardens! Beautiful. So green. I had a brief moment of Zen, staring at the flowers. Then a bee buzzed past. Zen gone.
- 6:00 PM: Drinks/Dinner Preparations
- 7:00 PM: Dinner at the hotel
- Tonight, I’m going to try and order something. They seem to be quite good here for food, and I can’t wait.
- 9:00 PM: Stargazing – or, Attempting to Stargaze
- Okay, so I decided to attempt stargazing. Found a quiet spot. It was supposed to "clear your mind." The only things clear to me were the distant sounds of something in the woods and my fear of the dark.
- Emotional Reaction: I couldn't do it. I heard a noise. A twig snapping. My imagination went into overdrive. I sprinted back to the hotel, convinced a beast was on my tail.
Day 3: Farewell, Ettington (cue the wistful sighing)
- 8:00 AM: Breakfast/Packing
- The dreaded packing. It's like a puzzle I always lose. And breakfast.
- 10:00 AM: Final Hotel Stroll (a melancholy goodbye)
- Time to say goodbye to the castle. I walked around one last time, trying to soak it all in. It still feels like a dream.
- 11:00 AM: Check-out – One Last Look (and a secret promise to return)
- Check-out was painless. Said goodbye to the lovely receptionist. I secretly smiled. Then, as I passed the creepy portrait, I gave it a little nod.
- 12:00 PM: Departure (onto the next adventure)
- Birmingham Airport wasn’t bad this time. Maybe I’m learning.
- 1:00 PM: The Flight
- Long flight with more weather delays. All in all, a good adventure.
- 4:00 PM: Return to the Real World (back to the laundry and takeout)
- Back in my apartment. It feels small. A bit messy. And yet… it's home. Ettington Park Hotel was an escape. A messy, wonderful, slightly spooky escape. Was I the perfect guest? Absolutely not. Did I have a great time? Absolutely. Because, seriously, who needs perfection when you've got a castle, a great G&T, and a slightly terrifying portrait to remember?
So, Ettington Park... Is it *really* as posh as it looks in the photos?
What's the best thing about Ettington Park? The food, right? Tell me everything!
Is it kid-friendly? Because, you know, tiny humans…
The Spa! Give me the lowdown on the spa! Is it a relaxing oasis or a disappointment?
What's the rooms like? Are they worth they money? Are they dirty?
What's the staff like? Are they stuck up?
Location, location, location! Is it actually near Stratford-upon-Avon?
Anything else I should know? Any quirky observations or is it all perfect?
