Unbelievable Luxury Awaits: Your South Mountain Escape at Ascend Resort!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into the alleged "Unbelievable Luxury" of Ascend Resort's South Mountain Escape. I’m talking a full-throttle, no-holds-barred review, warts and all. Ready? Let's GO!
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First Impressions (and the Airport Transfer, Which I Totally Needed):
So, landing in Phoenix, the sun’s already trying to fry my brain. The airport transfer… okay, airport transfer is a generous term. Think, a slightly-worn minivan (the "premium" upgrade, apparently) and a driver who looked like he hadn't slept since the Clinton administration. He did (eventually) get me to the resort, which, thankfully, is a sight for sore eyes. The mountain backdrop? Stunning. Really. It actually takes your breath away.
Accessibility – Did They Actually Think About This? (Mostly, YES!)
This is where Ascend surprisingly shines. Wheelchair accessible? Big thumbs up. Ramps everywhere, wide hallways, and (thank GOD) accessible rooms that actually work. The roll-in shower? Check. Grab bars? Check. The little things, the details that make a difference, they're mostly there. Now, I'm not a wheelchair user, but I've seen enough hotels that claim accessibility and fail miserably. Ascend deserves serious props for getting it right. The elevator is there, and it works. Facilities for disabled guests seem genuinely considered.
Accessibility Aside (Because, You Know, It's Not Just About Wheelchairs):
They also offer airport transfer, which, as mentioned, is a thing. The car park [free of charge] is a huge bonus in my book. You know how much parking can cost at swanky places? Ugh. And if you're charging up your Tesla, a car power charging station is available.
Internet Access – The Modern-Day Survival Kit:
Listen, in this day and age, [Free] Wi-Fi in all rooms! is mandatory. Thank goodness, Ascend delivers. Internet access – wireless is solid throughout. Internet [LAN] if you REALLY need a hardline (who does that anymore?). The connection was surprisingly stable, which is a HUGE win when you're trying to upload those Insta-worthy pool pics.
Cleanliness and Safety – Pandemic Era Reality Check:
Okay, I’m a bit of a germaphobe, especially since you-know-what. Ascend seemed to take cleanliness seriously. Anti-viral cleaning products? Check. Daily disinfection in common areas? Check. My room appeared to be thoroughly cleaned. I opted out of room sanitization, but that's an option if you want it. Hand sanitizer stations everywhere, which, again, appreciated. Staff trained in safety protocol. The whole thing gave me a slightly better sense of security. Rooms sanitized between stays, that’s good; Safe dining setup, good; Sanitized kitchen and tableware items. Cashless payment service is a lifesaver.
Rooms – The Good, the Okay, and the Unexpectedly Quirky:
My room… was nice. Let's start with the positives: Air conditioning (essential for Phoenix, obviously), a comfortable bed, and a bathtub (a total luxury when you're travelling). The blackout curtains are a godsend for sleeping in. Free bottled water is always a plus. They even had an alarm clock (I forgot I even used those.) Now, the "quirky": the mirror seemed strategically placed to make me question all my life choices (just kidding…mostly). The bathrobes are a MUST. Complimentary tea and coffee/tea maker are a lifesaver. There's an in-room safe box, which I promptly forgot about. Smoke detectors and a fire extinguisher give you some peace of mind. Non-smoking rooms are a plus.
The Unexpectedly GREAT Room Detail: The bed… Oh. My. GOD. Seriously, the bed. That extra long bed. I think I’d happily live in that bed, alone, for the rest of my life. Pure, unadulterated, sleep-inducing bliss. Seriously, 11/10 on the bed alone.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking – The Belly's Perspective:
Alright, let's talk food. Restaurants: multiple. Breakfast [buffet]: mostly your standard fare – eggs, pastries, fruit. Fine but not mind-blowing. Western breakfast is available. Breakfast in room – a nice touch. A la carte in restaurant is an option. They had a coffee shop, which saved me… multiple times. I had a ridiculously strong coffee/tea in restaurant. Poolside bar : perfect. Happy hour: essential. They offer Alternative meal arrangement. The desserts in restaurant? Surprisingly good. They offer Asian cuisine in restaurant (I didn't try it). Snack bars were available. They offer Room service [24-hour]. The bottle of water was very useful.
That one particular meal. Okay, I'll get vulnerable for a second. I tried their signature dish, some sort of pan-seared scallops with risotto. It was expensive. It was amazing. Like, "tears in my eyes" amazing. The chef, if you're reading this, you, sir, are a culinary wizard. The rest of the food? Eh, it was fine. BUT THAT SCALLOP DISH… I would pay that price again.
Things To Do & Ways To Relax - From Spa Days to Sunbathing:
This is where Ascend really tries to wow you. Swimming pool: spectacular. Pool with view: absolutely. Swimming pool [outdoor]: Yep. The Spa: Yes, please! Body scrub? Okay, I'm intrigued. Body wrap? Maybe later. Sauna and Steamroom: Heaven. Massage: Sign me up! The Fitness center, which I intended to use and promptly forgot about. They offer a Spa/sauna combo, which is pure bliss. They also have a Foot bath which seemed interesting.
My Pool Obsession (I'm Not Sorry):
The pool. The. Pool. The view from the pool is insane. Photos literally don't do it justice. You're looking out over the city, with the mountains framing the view. The pool itself is clean, well-maintained, and the perfect temperature. Honestly, I spent the entire afternoon doing very little other than floating, sipping cocktails, and staring. It's a cliché, but it really was restorative.
For the Kids and Kids-at-Heart:
Family/child friendly is mostly true. Kids meal is available. I saw some kids enjoying themselves in the pool. They have Babysitting service. They offer Kids facilities.
Essential Services & Conveniences – The Little Things Matter:
Concierge: Helpful. Doorman: Standard. Daily housekeeping: Thank you, angels of cleanliness. Laundry service is available for extra cash. Luggage storage is there too. Safe deposit boxes are available. They have a convenience store. Gift/souvenir shop is also available. They offer Dry cleaning. Air conditioning in public area. Elevator is a must.
The not-so Good: There's a Smoking area, that's a bummer for a non-smoker.
Services and conveniences
On-site event hosting is available. Shine Indoor venue for special events is available. They offer a Outdoor venue for special events. Meetings are available.
Getting Around – Navigating the Arizona Heat:
Taxi service: easy enough to get. Valet parking - fancy. Car park [on-site] is fine. Bicycle parking is there.
For the Kids and Kids-at-Heart:
Couple's room is available.
Overall Verdict – Should You Book It?
Look, Ascend Resort isn't perfect. It has its quirks. (And the front desk staff should, perhaps, smile a little more). BUT, the accessibility is top-notch, the pool is divine, and that scallop dish… I’m still dreaming about it. The beds are amazing. The location is beautiful. It’s a good base for exploring Phoenix.
My Recommendation? Book it. Especially if you can get a good deal. Just be prepared for a few imperfections and a potentially life-altering scallop experience. And prepare to spend a LOT of time by that pool. You won't be sorry.
**Final, Stream-
Verona's Hidden Gem: Hotel Leopardi - Unforgettable Italian Escape
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into my Bluegreen Vacations South Mountain, Ascend Resort Collection adventure in Lincoln, New Hampshire. This ain't gonna be a perfectly polished travel brochure, promise. This is the REAL DEAL, warts and all, the messy, glorious, slightly-obsessive-about-pancakes version.
Bluegreen Blues & Brews: A Lincoln, NH Love Story (Maybe?)
Day 1: Arrival & Initial Panic
- 1:00 PM - Arrival at South Mountain: OMG. We made it. Driving through the White Mountains… well, let's just say my GPS had a meltdown more than once. Turns out "scenic route" is code for "winding roads that make your stomach do the macarena." The resort looks promising though, kinda rustic chic. Think…cabin in the woods meets a slightly-desperate Pinterest board.
- 1:30 PM - Check-In & The Dreaded Presentation: Ah, the unavoidable elephant in the room: the timeshare spiel. The lady at the front desk was sweet, though I swear I saw the gleam of predatory excitement in her eyes when she handed us the "welcome packet." I'm steeling myself for this. Wish me luck. I need a vacation from the vacation before it even begins.
- 2:00 PM - The Room Reveal: The room is…fine. Cleanish. The view? Majestic! Overlooks a…well, not the mountains, but the parking lot. Still, can't complain. I'm already eyeing the mini-fridge strategically placed next to the balcony door (potential snack/wine haven).
- 3:00 PM - Errands & Explorations: Time to get my bearings! First, a frantic search for the nearest grocery store. Gotta stock up on crucial supplies: coffee (the lifeblood!), wine (therapy in a bottle!), and, obviously, pancake mix. I even grabbed some maple syrup. I'm in New Hampshire, dammit!
- 4:30 PM - Pre-Dinner Anxiety & A "Quick" Hike (Spoiler Alert: It Wasn't) Okay, big mistake. Big. I thought I could casually "hike" a "short trail" recommended by that overly enthusiastic woman at the check in. HA! Turns out, "short trail" in New Hampshire is code for "three-hour vertical climb that nearly killed me." The views, though? Ridiculously beautiful. Like, breathtakingly, "I-might-die-from-a-heart-attack-but-at-least-it's-pretty" beautiful. I ended up sprawled, panting, half-way up the trail, swearing I was going to buy an electric scooter when I got back.
- 7:00 PM - Dinner at the Resort Restaurant: I was too exhausted to cook, so we ended up at the resort's restaurant. The food was…meh. Perfectly edible, unmemorable. The highlight? I swear I saw my waiter wink at a chipmunk outside the window. Maybe I was hallucinating from the hike. Or maybe the chipmunks here are just super cool.
- 8:30 PM - Bedtime & Mild Panic: I am so tired, I could sleep for a week. But I have that timeshare presentation tomorrow! This is going to be my own version of 'The Hunger Games' and I intend to win. Wish me luck.
Day 2: Timeshares, Pancakes, and River Ramblings
- 8:00 AM - PANCAKES!!! I managed to get up early and made pancakes. They resembled hockey pucks. But, with a generous dousing of maple syrup, they were edible. I felt like a queen.
- 9:00 AM - The Timeshare Gauntlet: Okay. Deep breaths. Fake smile. Pretend enthusiasm. The presentation started off fine. Nice lady. Pretty pictures. But then came the pressure. The hard sell. The endless list of benefits. My inner voice was screaming, "Just say no! Run away!" I spent most of the time staring at the ceiling and calculating how quickly I could escape. Luckily, I'm a pro at saying no. I think.
- 11:00 AM - Post-Timeshare Victory Dance (and Coffee Overload): We survived! We said no! We are free! Immediately, the weight lifted. I rewarded myself with triple shot of espresso.
- 12:00 PM - Lunch & Retail Therapy: Time to make myself feel better. This led to a brief (and entirely unnecessary) shopping spree at a local souvenir shop. I now own a t-shirt that says "I Heart Lincoln, NH" and a ridiculously oversized stuffed moose. Don't judge me.
- 1:00 PM - River Walk & Contemplative Moments: I found a beautiful river walk. Peace. Serenity. The sound of the water was so soothing. I decided I was very happy with my life. Then, I slipped on a rock and nearly went in. Back to emotional wreckage.
- 3:00 PM - Return of the Pancakes (Round 2): This time, I nailed them!. Fluffy, golden, perfect. The maple syrup flowed freely. Joy was restored.
- 4:00 PM - The Franconia Notch State Park: Some views. A lot of driving. A bit of snow still left.
- 5:00 - Dinner in Town: Decent, nothing too fancy.
- 6:30 PM - Post-Dinner Stargazing: The skies here are amazing. I lay on the balcony, bundled in a blanket, and just stared. So many stars. So much beauty. I got a tiny bit teary-eyed.
- 8:30 PM - More Wine & Wondering: I'm starting to get the appeal of these vacations. The simplicity. The connection to nature. The quiet. (Also, the wine helps). Tonight, I'm staying in. Reading a book. Listening to the rain. And contemplating the meaning of life. And whether I need more maple syrup.
Day 3: Driving Home & Post-Vacation Blues
- 8:00 AM - Goodbye Pancakes (I’ll miss you!) One last pancake feast before facing the real world. This time, they were perfection.
- 9:00 AM - Packing Disaster: I realized halfway through packing that I'd left half my clothes in various places. This is becoming my usual behavior.
- 10:00 AM - Check-Out & Attempted Pleasantries: Goodbye to the check-in lovely people. They were actually super nice, despite the timeshare thing. Now it's time to drive home.
- 11:00 PM - Driving: Driving is just driving.
- 1:00 PM - Arrival Home & Melancholy: Sigh. Back to reality. The laundry. The emails. The crushing weight of responsibility. But… I have a moose. And a t-shirt. And the memory of ridiculously good pancakes. And a renewed appreciation for the quiet beauty of the White Mountains. And, honestly, I think I might miss that mini-fridge.
Overall Assessment:
Bluegreen Vacations South Mountain, Ascend Resort Collection in Lincoln? Not perfect. Definitely a little rough around the edges. But it was… good. Messy. Funny. A little chaotic. And, hey, I survived. And the pancakes were amazing. So, yeah, I'd give it a solid B+. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be back someday… after I recover from that "short hike." Until then, goodbye Lincoln, New Hampshire! You weird, wonderful place.
Bali Dream Villa: 3BR, Private Pool, UNFORGETTABLE Luxury!
Okay, so, "Unbelievable Luxury Awaits"... Is that, like, *really* true at Ascend Resort? Or is it just marketing fluff? Because I've been burned before...
Alright, buckle up. Because honestly? It's *mostly* true. Look, let's be real, "unbelievable" is a big word. I mean, I'm not seeing flying cars and butler robots (yet!). BUT... the level of detail? The sheer *niceness* of everything? Yeah, Ascend hits a very high bar. My first reaction walking into the lobby? "Whoa." And not in a, "Wow, that's a lot of marble!" kind of way (though there *is* a lot of marble). More like, "Wow, I actually feel... calm?" It's the little things. Like the ridiculously comfy bathrobe in the room. The way the pool guys *instantly* appear with a fresh towel. It's the kind of place where you *almost* feel guilty for not being ridiculously rich. Almost. I mean, my bank account definitely cried a little, but my soul felt... pampered. So, yeah. Pretty darn luxurious. Especially if you’ve been living off instant ramen for the past month like yours truly. I’d say it’s a qualified “YES.” Expect a little bit of sticker shock to compensate.
The website says "South Mountain Escape." Is it actually near anything interesting, or am I stuck in luxurious isolation? Because I need coffee, stat.
Alright, geographical accuracy check. "South Mountain" is technically correct, but it's not *smack dab* in the middle of all the action. You'll need a car (or an Uber, which gets expensive fast, trust me). There *are* some great hiking trails right there, which I loved. But coffee? Yeah, you'll get a decent cuppa at the resort, but if you're a caffeine snob (guilty!), plan on a short drive into town. There's this AMAZING little place called ‘The Daily Grind’ with the most phenomenal cold brew. Seriously, go. I'd almost go back just for that. And the views from South Mountain itself? Stunning. So, you're not *completely* isolated. But, yes, prepare for a little bit of driving. Especially if you crave a decent latte every morning like I do. Note to self: Pack instant coffee next time.
What about the food? Is it just overpriced, pretentious tiny portions, or is there something actually *good* to eat? And what about dietary restrictions?
Okay, let's talk about food. Deep breaths. The restaurants? They're... upscale. I’m going to get real here. There was this one dish, a seared scallop thing with microgreens... that was okay. It was presented like a work of art, and the taste was pretty nice, but it was *tiny*. Like, "where's the rest of my dinner?" tiny. I’m not a massive eater, but even I left a bit hungry. The steaks though? Oh, the steak. Worth every penny. Cooked *perfectly*. Melt-in-your-mouth amazing. The chef, she really knew her stuff. So it was a bit of a mixed bag. They *do* cater to dietary restrictions, which is a huge plus. I saw vegan options, gluten-free stuff, the whole shebang. Just tell them what you need, and they'll work something out. Just maybe, order an appetizer too. Because sometimes, just… sometimes... the portions are a tad… dainty.
The pool...is it as Instagrammable as the pictures make it look? And are there a million screaming kids? Because peace and quiet are a major selling point.
The pool. Oh, the pool. The pictures? Yeah, they're pretty accurate. It's gorgeous. Infinity edge dipping into the canyon, stunning views. The water's a perfect temperature. *And*...it was surprisingly peaceful. I mean, you get the occasional happy chatter, but not the ear-splitting shrieks of a water park. I was seriously dreading the pool scene. I thought for sure it would be packed with shrieking children. But? It wasn't. (Whew!). There were other adults enjoying themselves, floating around, reading books, cocktails in hand. It was… serene. It was actually what I needed. And the cabanas? Absolute heaven. Totally worth the (slightly painful) extra cost. Order the frozen cocktails – they're lethal, but delicious. Just be careful. I may or may not have lost track of time and wandered back to my room at about 2am feeling like I'd won the lottery after the bartender's special that night.
Okay, let's get real about the price. Is it worth the splurge compared to say, a slightly less fancy but still nice hotel?
Ugh. The price. The elephant in the room. It's expensive. No two ways about it. Is it *worth* it? That depends. It depends on what you're looking for. If you just need a bed and a basic bathroom and a view of the desert, then absolutely not. You can find something perfectly decent for a lot less. This is a splurge. This is a "treat yourself, you deserve it" kind of place. If you're celebrating something special, or just craving a serious dose of relaxation and pampering, then maybe. The level of service is definitely a cut above. The details... the little touches... they add up. Me? I'm still debating if I can afford to go again next year. It was that good, but my bank account is still in recovery mode. Honestly, it was a *memorable* experience. Absolutely. The kind I'll be talking about for years to come, but let's be real. It's going to take some serious saving for me to go back. But oh, I want to.
What if I just want to chill in my room? What are the rooms like? Are they comfortable and well-equipped? What about a good view?
The rooms? The rooms are fabulous. Seriously. Luxurious. Mine had a massive bed that I probably could have lost my keys in. (And I almost did!) The bathroom was pure spa bliss. Huge soaking tub, amazing shower. Seriously, the shower pressure alone was worth the price of admission. They're well-equipped. Think big-screen TV, a mini-fridge stocked with goodies (beware, the mini-bar prices are outrageous!), and a balcony with... wait for it... a *view*. I was lucky enough to get a room with a view of the desert landscape. It was breathtaking, especially at sunset. I spent a whole afternoon just sitting out there, reading, and drinking overpriced (but delicious) coffee. The rooms are designed for comfort. You can easily spend a whole day just chilling in your room, and you probably *should*. It's part of the whole experience. Highly recommend requesting a room with a view – it’s worth every penny. Especially if you're like me and want to feel like you’re being surrounded by natural beauty.
I saw something about a spa. Is it worth the money? Because spa treatments are always ridiculously expensive, are they not?
The spa... Okay, here's the deal. Yes, spa treatments are ridiculously expensive. It's an undeniable truth of the universe. But at Ascend's spa? ItHotels Blog Guide
